Full Out Symphony

Full-Out Symphony

There are times

A simple melody will do

A single line

Can bring me face to face with You

I don’t need more

To make my spirit rise

In little things

Your love takes me by surprise

But then there are days

When it seems Your glory fades

No melody can stir

This heart in stone encased

And I need more

Than a whisper of song

To reach through dark

And bring the light of dawn

So here I am

In tears and on my knees

I’m begging you

To play a full-out symphony

Sound the horns

Before a heart like Jericho

Tear down the walls

With the sweeping of Your bow

Beat the drums

‘Til this heart beats in time

Maestro, play

And Father, hold me tight

Stephanie M. Frakes

(December 25, 2009)

Two-Part Invention

A two-part invention is a short contrapuntal composition in which two independent melodies are woven together to create one piece of music. They push both the pianist’s skill and ear. My piano teacher says they are like fiber. Everyone needs them, but nobody wants them. When I started playing my first invention, that’s exactly how I felt, but in the end I came to love the intricate texture of these little pieces and actually requested to play more, much to the amusement of my teacher. I began to see how the two “independent” parts intertwined like the threads of a tapestry, interlocking so neatly, so perfectly they could no longer be separated for danger of destroying the art. As I pondered this newly discovered beauty, I quickly came to the conclusion that my life is a two-part invention. I live each day in counterpoint with my beautiful Savior. It is a complex relationship, and we are certainly both independent, but as we walk together our hearts are so deeply intertwined that we become one. We become one beautiful song. We cannot be separated, for I am nothing without Him, and the art would be lost. Together though, the music is incomparably stirring. It’s a glorious picture, and I can’t help falling in love, which is fine with me. One should never shrink away from falling in love. Never. Even with two-part inventions.

In Counterpoint

As my hands glide

Across the black and white

I can see a picture

Of the way I’d like to live my life

As melodies

Intertwine

In an intricate kind

Of beauty

I feel my soul cry

For Your heart

To come and meet with mine

In counterpoint

A composition so divine

And sacred

And I realize

That I just might

Fall madly in love

With the Composer

And that’s perfectly alright

For this is Life

In counterpoint

Stephanie M. Frakes

(January 29, 2009)

Singing from the Empty Place

I’m thinking about singing. No surprise there… I’m always thinking about singing. There is, though, one particular thought that keeps running through my mind. Empty places. I doubt the connection makes any sense to anyone, so I’ll explain. Sometime during my first semester of “college-level voice lessons” (insert voice tinged with sarcastic superiority here) my teacher told me that “we sing from our wounds.” Sounds really fun, right? I suppose it adds a certain depth to a singer’s art. Our experiences, particularly our painful ones, give substance to our songs. It’s what draws an audience in. You know, that moment when a singer sends chills down your spine. All that said, for the better part of a semester, I have been a rather frustrated voice student. You see, every time I made a really great sound (or even a half-way decent one) I was either on the verge of tears or would break down completely. This was torturous for me because I hate tears. I am just not a fan of crying. I don’t know why. Perhaps I feel like tears are manifestations of the weakness I try to hide (a weakness that comes from nothing else but the fact that I am human, something that I am pretty sure I have in common with about six billion other people). Perhaps I just think I look terribly unattractive when I cry (though I don’t know anyone who thinks they do look attractive when they cry…). In this case though, I think the real reason is that I couldn’t find the reason, and that drove me crazy. I mean, sure I understood about singing from the wounds and the pain that would result, but what wounds was I singing from? It just made no sense to me. So I decided to spend a little time searching.

But, surprisingly, I didn’t find wounds. I found, quite simply, empty places within my soul. Oh yes, it does sound deep and profound, doesn’t it? It’s not really. We all have them. Sort of like we all have sinuses. They’re just there. What are these empty places? Many would call them unfulfilled longings. I believe they are what Ecclesiastes would call “eternity on the hearts of men.” That yearning that God placed in us. That unavoidable feeling that we were made for something greater, for something lasting, not like the fleeting moments of the lives we live. Whether we realize it or not, the empty places are those parts of us that remind us that we were made for eternity and an eternal God. To be completely honest, we live, or at least I live most of my life unaware that these places even exist. And that’s an easy way to live. I feel no ache of longings unfulfilled. But then I start to sing, and something happens. In the same way my sound resonates in the openness of a recital hall, something about God’s love, His very Presence, resonates within every one of my empty places. As melodies ascend, I come face to face with my God. I catch a glimpse of eternity, and I long for more. I realize what I’m missing here. And that stirs me and brings a tear to my eye. All because I must face the fact that I live in a fallen world and I am a fallen being and, this side of Heaven, I will always be limited by that. The empty places that are filled for that moment will be empty again.

And so I am left with a choice. I can run from the empty places and continue living a safe life unaware of their existence. Or I can be brave, take a flying leap off of a cliff, and sing from the empty places. I can embrace the bittersweet taste of eternity like the richness of some luscious dark chocolate. Truly, the tears will soon dissolve as the utter joy of the fullness of God’s resonance overpowers the ache that might go along with it.

Singer or not, we all face this choice. What will we do with the empty places?

How Tedious and Tasteless the Hours

How Tedious and Tasteless the Hours – John Newton

How tedious and tasteless the hours
When Jesus no longer I see
Sweet prospects, sweet birds, and sweet flowers
Have all lost their sweetness to me
The mid-summer sun shines but dim
The fields strive in vain to look gay
But when I am happy in Him
December’s as pleasant as May

His name yields the riches perfume
And sweeter than music His voice
His presence disperses my gloom
And makes all within me rejoice
I should, were He always thus nigh,
Have nothing to wish or to fear
No mortal so happy as I
My summer would last all the year

Content with beholding His face
My all to His pleasure resigned
No changes of season or place
Would make any change in my mind
While blest with a sense of His love
A palace a toy would appear
And prisons would palaces prove
If Jesus would dwell with me there.

Dear Lord, if indeed I am Thine
If Thou art my sun and my song
Say, why do I languish and pine?
And why are my winters so long?
O drive these dark clouds from my sky
Thy soul-cheering presence restore
Or take me unto Thee on high
Where winter and clouds are no more

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you… By day the LORD directs His love, at night His song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life.” ~Psalm 42:5-6, 8

Every once in awhile, I have a moment where God’s ironic providence in my life makes me stop whatever I’m doing and laugh out loud. Today was one of those times, and boy, did I ever need it! You see, for the last few days, I have been plodding my way through what I would call a dilemma of faith. Some people call times like these valleys or deserts. Some call them crises of faith. I would stray from using words of quite that magnitude. I am merely facing a dilemma, a difficulty, a challenge. For days the strangest emptiness has consumed me. At first, I blamed it on boredom. Now, I am finding it runs deeper than that. I’m unhappy. I’m dissatisfied. God has felt distant, foreign, silent. Nothing has seemed to touch my heart the way I’m used to. Life has been pretty cold and bleak to be completely honest.

Anyway, back to God’s irony. Being in a somewhat dismal mood, I decided to sit at my piano for awhile, hoping that I might be able to distract myself. Beethoven didn’t seem to help. Gershwin was an utter disaster. Tinkering with my own melodies was fun, but still not filling. Finally, I decided to flip through my old Baptist Hymnal and see what I could find. After about five minutes of nothing but a few amusing titles proving to me that I should definitely find myself an updated version, I came across something that caught my attention. It was a hymn by John Newton (the same John Newton who wrote “Amazing Grace” I imagine) entitled, “How Tedious and Tasteless the Hours.” Tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor! How convenient! A hymn to describe exactly how I was feeling. The cynic in me let out a little hoot, fully pleased to not be alone. Then I began to read. And then I was slightly convicted.

I ate the first two verses up like candy. It was as if I had written them myself! Then Mr. Newton (and perhaps the Holy Spirit as well…) decided to turn things around on me. “Dear Lord, if indeed I am Thine, if Thou art my sun and my song, say, why do I languish and pine? And why are my winters so long?” Wow. I said that out loud actually. I mean really. Wow. What a precious reminder in the midst of this “dilemma of faith!”

There’s a word in Hebrew, am-segulah, which is used in Exodus 19 to describe God’s setting apart the nation of Israel. From what I’ve gathered, the direct translation would be something like “My people, My treasure” (“…my own treasure (segulah) from among all the peoples (am)…and you will be a kingdom… for me, a nation set apart.” Ex. 19:5-6). I’ll say it again. Wow. I am indeed God’s own treasure. He is indeed “my sun and my song.” Why am I not rejoicing in every moment? I belong to the Lord of Lords! The one who parted the Red Sea and rescued the nation of Israel from years of bondage calls me His own today!

That’s when God brought Psalm 42 to mind. Truly, the psalmist is asking the same question I am. “Why are you downcast, O my soul?” He also provides a great answer for anyone battling discouragement: “My soul is downcast within me; therefore, I will remember You.” How blessedly simple! How wonderfully honest! God, I am discouraged right now, so I’ll remember you. I will turn to you, no matter how distant you feel, and I will sing. I will praise your name. I will draw near to you, for you have turned my mourning into dancing. You have turned my winter into spring. You have turned my prison into a palace. I cannot bear to be apart from you. I will forever believe you and I will daily seek you, O Lover of my Soul! Glory be to God for His ironic providence!

God on Forgiveness

This is what God spoke to me a few nights ago. It really changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I don't think it's just for me.

God on Forgiveness
April 22, 2009

My love, there are a few things I need you to know about forgiveness. First, it is a joy for me to forgive you. I know you can’t wrap your mind around it, darling, but it’s true. I love to forgive you because it breaks down the walls that separate us. You are my beloved. Hear that, child and believe! I want to be near you. I want to be with you. I want to dwell in you! You are so precious to Me, and while your sins break my heart, it brings me the greatest joy to look on you in love, grace, and mercy. As you kneel before Me in repentance, I forget your sins, sweep you up off your knees and into my arms, kiss your tears away, and whisper Truth and Love into your very heart. Can you see it, dearest? My smile? It is truly a JOY for Me to forgive you, to cleanse you from all of your mistakes! It is an essential part of who I am: Love. It brings glory and honor to My name, for in your weakness, my strength shines. Most of all, it restores you to Me. You’re in My arms again.

Another thing, dear one, I know how difficult it is to grow up, no matter hold old you are or what stage you are at in life. I know that the stretching and the shaping and the molding are painful. I know life seems to get more and more burdensome and complicated and taxing. I know it makes you long for the joys of childhood, the innocence, the freedom, the affection, the simplicity, the love you received rather than gave constantly. You must realize, dearest, that I will forever call you My child. I have chosen and adopted you, and in my Spirit, you can always find innocence and freedom, love and affection, simplicity and peace. Even those who had their childhood stolen from them and never experienced any of these things are able to find them in Me today.

Finally My darling, I know you. I know your weaknesses and your shortcomings and your greatest struggles. I still love you with a limitless love! You are covered in the blood of My Son whom I sent for YOU. You have nothing to prove to Me. There are no expectations you need to strive to reach. You merely need to surrender to My love. Allow it to transform your heart, mind, and life and lead you into a deeper love for Me. Child, abide in Me and My love for you. That’s all you need to do. Yes, it does require work: diving into My Word, dying to yourself daily, becoming conscious of My presence in your everyday life, committing yourself to follow Me each day, spending time with Me, sacrifice. Still, I can promise you that it is well worth it, and moreover, I promise to walk each step with you and give you the strength you need. Child, stop clenching your fists so tightly and simply take My hand! You will stumble, yes. You will fail. I know. You are learning! I promise to pick you up in forgiveness and to love you always. Remember, it is My joy to forgive and lift you up again. I love to come to your rescue! Now, My love, My blessed one, My favored one, My adopted and chosen one, My forgiven one, My redeemed one, My child… forgive yourself as I have forgiven you. Let go! I love you!

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.” ~Ephesians 1:4-10