Welcome to Beijing (China Post 1)

Well, I wish that I could say that everything has been amazing since I got here, but that’s not exactly the case. I have seen the hand of Providence as I traveled and as I have met and made pretty good friends with the other volunteers that I will be living, working, and playing with over the next couple of months. I will admit though that I was not at all prepared for the shock of this new culture, and have really struggled to take everything in, even more so because I’ve been sick for the last couple of days as I’m trying to get used to the food. The learning curve here is steep. I have been forced to learn to use chopsticks, ride a tandem bike (I never learned to ride a bike as a kid, and that’s must here, so my friends are helping me work my way up), and also use a squat toilet. Oh, and we won’t even get in to how it feels to not understand a word of the language! I’ve also had to learn much about living so far away from Community and fighting for joy and actively seeking as I wait on the Lord. I’m not sure why I thought that simply because I am following the Call, I would not have to battle fear and anxiety and cry out to see Promises come to pass. It wasn’t that way for the Israelites. Yes, God prepared the way for them, but He also left enemies in the Promised Land. We all have to learn to stand and fight and live day by day in full Dependence.

Truly, China is a whole other world. The parts of Beijing I have seen look nothing like the Olympic footage. It is so incredibly crowded and dirty in most places, and yet so clean and modern in others. I am struck by the poverty and yet astounded by the lights and the amazing architecture. I can tell this summer will teach me so much and really reshape my worldview. So far I’ve had one day (Friday) to see what Bethel and my work will be like. I’m excited that I will have more time beginning tomorrow (today is a Chinese holiday called the Dragon Boat Festival) to get into my work and get to know these wonderful kids. Each day brings more peace and hope as I adjust and wait to see what God is going to do through me. These last few days have been thoroughly humbling and I have reached a new point of dependence on God. I can’t believe how much more there is to do and to learn over the rest of this summer!

To China with Love - Part I: Where to begin?

It seems like just yesterday I was at BT Women’s Super Saturday: Dreams, Desires, and Destiny sharing with my sisters in Christ about the exciting opportunity God had placed before me to fulfill my dream of working with orphans in China.  Now, I have the exciting opportunity to share with everyone as much about that incredible journey as I can. 

I had originally wanted to begin this devotional with that quote from The Sound of Music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.”  The beginning is certainly an excellent place to start, but here’s the problem I’m discovering:  with God, it’s awfully hard to find the beginning.  You see, one of the most life-changing things I realized in China is that God’s work begins long before we even realize it.  I’m thinking back on the story of Jesus healing the blind man in John chapter nine.  Jesus’ disciples asked Him whose sin had caused the man to be born blind, and His response was profound.  He said, basically, that the man had been born blind not because of anyone’s sin, but so that God could be glorified in his healing.  God was at work from this man’s birth, long before he could even dream of experiencing healing.  And I’ve learned that nothing has changed over the thousands of years between that story and mine.

When I first arrived in China, I thought I would be doing office work, writing newsletters and the like.  They had mentioned the possibility of a music class or two since I am a music education major, but nothing was certain because they already had a music teacher.  I was ready to do whatever God placed before me, though.  It’s a good thing God got my “yes” from the beginning because after my first challenging weekend where I faced culture shock and sickness from the food, I realized that things would be a little different than I had anticipated.  About halfway through my first week of work, the headmistress of the school approached me and asked if she could give me my schedule of piano lessons the next day.  Not exactly my plan, but sure enough, she returned later with my very full schedule: 9 first-time piano students, 2 preschool music classes, and a choir.  Needless to say, I ended up spending very little time in the office.  And that became me, the English music teacher.  Though I never expected it, music became my gift to those kids and their gift to me.  Those times together singing, laughing, playing, and teaching will forever be some of the greatest treasures. 

Here’s the really neat thing though.  I would never have been able to say “yes” to that unexpected opportunity if God hadn’t begun working long before I knew I would be traveling to China.  I wasn’t a music education major until God called me to switch in Fall 2009. My reason for switching? Well, I told my professor that I wanted to make an impact in the world and that I could definitely see myself visiting orphans in China teaching them music and leaving them with songs in their hearts.  Oh, and even though I had played piano for 14 years, I never knew how to teach it until last semester when I “randomly” took a piano pedagogy class that wasn’t even on my degree plan.  My reasoning?  “I just have a feeling I’m going to need to teach piano at some point.”  Funny, isn’t it?  So there you have it, beloved.  God was at work long before I even realized.  There are beginnings to my story I never even knew existed.  What beginnings is He creating in your life?

Where God Already Is

I was looking through the volunteer handbook in preparation for my upcoming trip to work at Bethel.  As I read the timeline of this ministry's history, I was blown away.  Here's what I read:

ORGANIZATION PROFILE AND HISTORY

2002 Guillaume & Delphine do some research on NGOs work in China and try to find a people group that is not being reached

2003 G&D open the first house in Lang Fang, Hebei and receive 3 blind orphans from Tianjin orphanage (8 staffs)

2004 G&D open the 2nd home, care for 12 children (18 staffs)
Board of Directors Set up

2005 Opening of the 3rd home, care for 24 children (40 staffs)
Start of Bethel school (2 staffs)
Partnership with Children’s Hope International Social Work Committee

2006 Opening of the 4th home, care for 31 children (60 staffs)
Expansion of Bethel school (6 staffs) 

2007 Move to new facility in Dou Dian
Set up of a farm (food self sustainability)
Renovation of the premises
Registration of Bethel China Ltd. In HK
Registration of Bethel China ltd. Rep. office

2008 Construction of 7 foster homes
Build second floor to adjacent building (on-going renovation)
Operations size (80 staffs)
Purchase agreement with the landlord

In 2002, one missionary couple decided to search and find out where the need was.  Then they jumped in and trusted God to use them to meet that need.  The growth of that ministry in only six years is astonishing.  To go from 3 children and 8 staff members to 70 children, 80 staff members, a school, and a farm in that short amount of time is something that could only happen by the grace of God.  God is already at work in Dou Dian, China.  How exciting it is that I get to go and join in this work! 

I'm thinking about the name of our organization at school - World Wide Witness - and the double meaning of the word "witness."  Yes, God is giving me the tremendous opportunity to be His witness, to share His love with the people of China.  At the same time though, He is also allowing me to witness His glory in the work He is already accomplishing.  I love that.  God is accomplishing mighty things.  What a privilege to be able to experience God's work first-hand!  God doesn't need me, and yet He is choosing to use me, to lead me, to grant me the opportunity to be His vessel, to have an adventure, to love, to serve, to experience Him and His heart.  I am so ready! 

Things are Spinning

I have so much spinning in my head and my heart right now.  I can't believe I leave for China in nine days!  People keep asking me how I'm feeling.  I really don't know how to answer.  I'm excited... so very excited!  I'm also anxious... scared... apprehensive.  I don't know what I'm getting myself into.  It's so good though, not just going into the mission field, but following God's call, running through the doors that He opens, trusting that He is leading me.

I'm at that point once again, where I have no clue, can't even imagine, what the next couple of months will hold.  I don't know how I'm going to face the challenges.  I don't know what I could possibly have to offer where I'm going, or how God could possibly use me.  And yet phrases like "My grace is sufficient for you," (2 Corinthians 12:9) and "equipped for every good work," (2 Timothy 3:17) come to mind.  You know, I get so caught up in everyday life that I forget Whose I am and Whose I long to be.  I forget that I belong to God and that I surrender my whole life to the One who loves me.  I am His - His child, His vessel, His instrument.  I forget that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is alive and active in me (Ephesians 1).  I forget that I live my life given over.  I am not my own.  I give myself over to be shaped and molded into the image of Christ, and to be used as an instrument for His glory.

I am going to a place called Bethel this summer, a place where, like Jacob of old, I will witness God speaking blessing.  I am going to a place where I may feel alone at times, but God will minister to me.  I am going to a place full of children who may feel alone, but God will minister to them (and by His grace, I get to be a part of that ministry!) and call them blessed and chosen.  I can't quite wrap my mind around that, and that's okay.  I don't need anything, except to know the power of Christ in me.  "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." (Galatians 2:20)  Oh Lord, may it be as You have said!  May I no longer live, that You might live through me.  Shine through me, Lord!  Amen!

You are Perfection

I had someone look me in the eye today and say these words to me: "You are perfection to me... In my eyes, you're perfection."  It totally caught me off guard.  Honestly, I had to have her (this woman who happens to be perfection in MY eyes) repeat herself because it simply did not compute.  I even laughed it off, but now, a few hours later as I was spending some long overdue time with the Lord, those words came back to me.  And they brought me to tears.  


I'm not perfect.  I wish I was.  Oh, how I wish I was!  It's a daily struggle for me, and I think it always will be.  I have tried so hard to be perfect that I have made myself sick, and still, I've failed.  I look in the mirror and I can see every flaw, every mistake, every shortcoming, every part of me that is so unworthy of love.  I see every struggle, and everything that I believe, yet can't seem to live.  I look at myself, and I see a mess.  I'm not perfect, and I never will be.  


As I sit here, looking for words, trying to process what God is speaking to my heart, I feel one thing: love.  I feel loved by the people I am blessed to have relationships with.  Most of all, I feel loved by God.  And that moves me to tears because I know how faithless I can be.  I know how when life gets crazy my relationship with God automatically takes last place.  I know how imperfect I am. But somehow, as I sit and soak in this love and confess my brokenness and thank God for His patience and grace and persistent love and willingness to draw me back again... somehow in this place, this place that I should spend so much more time in, things begin to make sense.  And I am moved.  


"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." ~1 John 4:18


Made. Perfect. In. Love.  I get so caught up in the fear part of this verse, that I forget the significance of those four words.  We have been made perfect in love.  It doesn't matter what I can see or what I know.  I've been made perfect in love.  And I can hear my Savior say, "You are perfection to me.  I don't care what you see.  I don't care what the world sees.  I don't care what you think you know.  In my eyes, you're perfection."  What a blessing it is to be loved.  By God.  By His people.  What a blessing it is to love!  I'm not sure which is better, but they go hand in hand.  It is love which makes us perfect.


His,
Stephanie

The Journey from Dream to Reality

I added a countdown to the desktop on my computer yesterday. 41 days until China. Somehow I don’t know whether to dance or to cry right now. That’s the truth of it. I go through so many different emotions every time I think about getting on a plane and flying to Beijing. Last week, when I got the confirmation for my plane ticket, I nearly screamed, and I definitely did a little dance right there in my seat. I have been dreaming of going to China for years, and now God is making that a reality. I look at pictures on Bethel’s website and see the children and staff I’ll be working with, and my heart stirs inside. I am excited for this journey, a journey that has already begun, though I am over a month from setting foot in an airport, as God prepares my heart.

At the same time though, reality is much more terrifying than a dream. One question keeps coming back to my mind: What in the world were you thinking?! Who in her right mind decides to travel to Beijing, China by herself?! The only answer I can give, and I hope that this is the truth, is that I am a young woman chasing after the heart of God. I am pursuing the passion that God has put on my heart to love orphans in China. I am running through every door God opens, and trusting Him to open those that appear to be closed. God told me He would send me to China, and He has been faithful to make a way. Who in her right mind wouldn’t follow the lead of such a faithful and loving God?

I don’t know what this summer holds for me. I know I’ll be spending two months in a foreign country where I barely know how to say hello (and that I learned from a popular preschool show… Ni-hao Kailan!). My cell phone won’t work. I won’t be able to text or call. There will be a thirteen hour time difference between my family and me. I will not be able to express my faith in the ways I am used to. I also know this though: I will be on the adventure of a lifetime. I will be chasing after the heart of God. I will be given the opportunity to help expand a ministry whose vision is to see every visually impaired orphan in China loved and cared for. That is quite the vision, and God is letting me join in that mission. I am one of the most blessed young women you will ever meet! It’s going to be hard. I’m not fooling myself. I don’t know exactly how everything is going to work out (a huge challenge for a classic type-A like me), but I do know that my God is greater and stronger. He is faithful, and He loves His children. He will not let me fall.

I have taken this verse from John 9 as a sort of theme for my summer as well as for my overall ministry: ‘”Go,’ Jesus told him, ‘Wash in the Pool of Siloam (this word means “sent”).’ So the man went and washed and came home seeing.” Jesus told me to go. I am sent. So I’ll go. If someone were to ask me what one thing I know about my summer, this would be my answer: I will not return the same person. I’m going to come home seeing, seeing the way Jesus sees.

Even Here

I was going through an old journal and I found this poem. I felt like it went pretty well with my last post. Enjoy!

Even Here

There is no silence

There is no music

There is only noise

Rushing and swirling

Like a raging sea

I can’t hear Your voice

I can’t feel Your touch

Are You even speaking?

Are You even reaching?

Are you even here?

It doesn’t take much

To make me feel like

All the joy and love I once felt

Is gone forever

It doesn’t take much

To make me feel like

This raucous noise

Will hide Your voice

Forever

But once again

I’m slowly realizing

Once again

As Your light shines

I’m finding

Even here in the madness

You’re my God

Even here in the raucous

You’re my Song

Even here in the chaos

That comes with this life

You’re here

And You’re reaching

You’re here

And You’re speaking

Even here.

Stephanie M. Frakes
(August 30, 2009)