Things are Spinning

I have so much spinning in my head and my heart right now.  I can't believe I leave for China in nine days!  People keep asking me how I'm feeling.  I really don't know how to answer.  I'm excited... so very excited!  I'm also anxious... scared... apprehensive.  I don't know what I'm getting myself into.  It's so good though, not just going into the mission field, but following God's call, running through the doors that He opens, trusting that He is leading me.

I'm at that point once again, where I have no clue, can't even imagine, what the next couple of months will hold.  I don't know how I'm going to face the challenges.  I don't know what I could possibly have to offer where I'm going, or how God could possibly use me.  And yet phrases like "My grace is sufficient for you," (2 Corinthians 12:9) and "equipped for every good work," (2 Timothy 3:17) come to mind.  You know, I get so caught up in everyday life that I forget Whose I am and Whose I long to be.  I forget that I belong to God and that I surrender my whole life to the One who loves me.  I am His - His child, His vessel, His instrument.  I forget that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is alive and active in me (Ephesians 1).  I forget that I live my life given over.  I am not my own.  I give myself over to be shaped and molded into the image of Christ, and to be used as an instrument for His glory.

I am going to a place called Bethel this summer, a place where, like Jacob of old, I will witness God speaking blessing.  I am going to a place where I may feel alone at times, but God will minister to me.  I am going to a place full of children who may feel alone, but God will minister to them (and by His grace, I get to be a part of that ministry!) and call them blessed and chosen.  I can't quite wrap my mind around that, and that's okay.  I don't need anything, except to know the power of Christ in me.  "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." (Galatians 2:20)  Oh Lord, may it be as You have said!  May I no longer live, that You might live through me.  Shine through me, Lord!  Amen!