Saturday, September 29, 2012

In the Desert with My Tears - Thoughts on brokenness

I wrote these words at the pinnacle of a season of struggle.  Today's rain reminds me of the Truth the Shepherd and I discovered in the darkness.

July 21, 2012
There are times when all we have to offer God is our tears, when the brokenness of the world becomes clear and we grow weary and we grieve.  The healing of eternity feels so far away and every joyful moment we've experienced seems to fade into distant memory.  We live in the desert.  We grow angry with God and try to carry our burdens on our own, and when they become too much, we grow angrier still.  Then we finally drop the good Christian facade that says we're fine, and we cry out to God... and He answers our pounding fist with words of love.  That is freedom.  And so we water the desert with the tears we weep and God in His sovereignty causes a harvest to abound.  Oh marvelous mystery!

In the Desert with my Tears
The dust rises
In  clouds around me
To mock the cloudless sky
As my knees hit the ground
I'd cry
If I had the strength
But my eyes stay as dry
As my parched throat
My muscles ache
As I lie
Crumpled beneath the weight
Of the pain
I carry
I'd grit my teeth
And continue on my journey
But today
I simply

The sand is coarse against my skin
The sun is hot
But the anger in my heart
Burns even hotter
As I wonder
Where You are
And why you would call me
To this place of pain
To this desert
When I can still taste paradise
And suddenly
The air grows thick with mystery

My fist hits the sand
There's so much I just
Can't understand
But You whisper to me
Words of love
And nothing more
I am angry with You, Lord!
And still You love?

The tears cannot be stopped
As they gently, quickly fall
And the weight of it all
Begins to lift
And everything I've missed
Becomes clear
I will water this desert
With my tears
And pray
That someday
A harvest will abound
From this parched and broken ground
For only You can satisfy
And bring fruit
From a land so dry
And hopeless
So here am I
In the desert with my tears.

Stephanie M. Frakes
July 21, 2012

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