Maybe

I haven't felt much like writing the last month or so. Words just haven't seemed to come. I'm not going to lie, it's scared me. It's not like me to not have words. This poem is a sort of stream of consciousness of what God has been speaking to me recently. I'm not sure if it will make sense to anyone else, but we'll see. Here's what I'm learning: words are not the most important thing. Being able to explain and predict what God is doing and going to do in my life isn't important. It's about being humble enough to relinquish control, and to accept and enjoy His blessings rather than endeavoring to deserve them. It's about trusting Him completely, and intentionally seeking Him and chasing His heart. God is good. I am His child. Through Christ I have found freedom and victory. These are the things that really matter.

*****

Maybe

I’m never more afraid
Than when words seem to escape,
And nothing can explain
My feelings.
And so I fall on my knees,
And I weep.
The tears express a need
So deep
I cannot speak
Or even think.

I feel words leave.
A lack of clarity
Overwhelms me,
But maybe
That’s where I should be.
Maybe words aren’t as important
As I so often think.
Maybe clarity of vision
Isn’t really what I need.
Maybe it’s all about trusting.

Trusting Your plans for me.

Trusting my identity
As Your child.

Trusting Your goodness and control
Over things I’ll never know.

Maybe it’s a willingness
To let go.

To savor blessings
I know
I could never deserve,
Beyond the reach
Of my control.

To chase Your heart.

To let you love me.

Maybe
That’s what you have for me.

Stephanie M. Frakes
(March 15, 2011)