A couple of weeks ago I was talking about bearing the cost of living given over. That had been a really difficult day for me as God taught me how painful it can be to surrender everything to Him, and to trust Him with everything. When I typed that post on Wednesday night, it was after a day full of tears and brokenness. It was really a lot of fear and useless worrying, a day that proved I'm not as good at living a surrendered life as I sometimes think (anyone else had those days?). The evening ended well though, with God proving that He is faithful and that truly,nothing is impossible with Him. I went to bed celebrating that night, and I woke up celebrating too.
The next morning, I went to instrumental worship for chapel. I was running late, so I ended up sitting by myself, which was fine with me. I was ready for some quality time with my Beloved. It was great! I poured my praise out, and He poured His love down, and after the pain of the battle the day before, it was the sweetest respite. As I was leaving a girl stopped me. I’d never seen her before in my life, but she asked my name and then said God had given her a word for me. I know that sounds a little crazy. I believe that God speaks through people, but I'm still a little skeptical when someone says specifically, "God gave me a word for you." But she had such a sweet and humble spirit, I decided to really listen. She then began to describe this vision of a waterfall pouring down and a saw with a spinning blade at the top. “I feel like your desire is to pour out, to really pour out,” she said, “but you feel persecuted, as if someone is trying to stop you, or maybe you’ve tried to pour out before and someone cut you off and you’re afraid to try again. Does that connect with you at all?” I nodded with tears coming to my eyes. She continued, “And then I see this horn, this trumpet. Psalms says, 'His horn is my strength,' and God wants you to know that. He wants you to take hold of His strength and go pour out His love.” She began to pray that over me and then she stopped and said, “I feel like God wants you to hear Him say, ‘I’m proud of you. I see you pouring out and I am pleased. I see the little outpourings you don’t even realize, those little glances that say: you are loved.’” And she went on, “And God is declaring that He has not given you a spirit of fear or timidity but of power and His strength. He wants you to learn to walk in that and to go pour out that love and that power on others.” And we said, "Amen."
Then her friend came up to me and said, “Now I just feel like I need to say that I was watching your worship and I just saw the freedom of the Holy Spirit all over you. He wants you to pour out, but He also wants you to know that He’s pouring out His love all over you. I saw that as I watched you and it encouraged me.” And I was at a loss for words. Anyone who has read Hinds’ Feet on High Places (which I was rereading at the time and was touching me so deeply it’s as if I had never read it before) knows the significance of the waterfall as a symbol of being humbled and delighted to pour out everything. Much-Afraid even jumps off the edge of the waterfall to find the pit and the altar where she is to lay down her life. In that book, the symbol of the waterfall and living given over are synonymous. "Held back" described perfectly what I had been feeling the day before. And if that second girl only knew how intentionally I was raising my hands and dancing in worship out of a deep desire to live in the Spirit’s freedom. And the words, "God is proud of you." What a comfort for someone who had been battling the guilt of allowing unfounded fear to tear me apart, someone who felt shame at her own lack of faith! Our God is so good! But the story doesn't end there.
Later that day I had some extra time before my voice lesson, and it was such a beautiful day I decided to go out to Jacob’s Dream and write. When I got there I saw a lady drawing. We exchanged smiles, and I found a place to sit. Later she walks by and says, “I drew this little picture of you, and I wanted you to have it.”
I looked down and there’s a sketch of this girl with a contented kind of love-struck expression on her face, notebook on her knees, pencil in hand, leaning on a rock that says “The Lord.” I remembered sitting down thirty minutes earlier and thinking how symbolic it was and how I’d like to have a picture of it. And a picture I got! A picture of how I want to live: love-struck, pencil in hand, leaning back against the Rock, the Lord.
And that's how in one very intense day God taught me how He cares about the details and how He just loves so well. He confirmed in a HUGE way everything He had been speaking to my heart. It was faith-building and encouraging. I love that. I love that God refuses to be distant, even though that's what we deserve. I pray that you're encouraged today. God speaks in whispers or in shouts, in songs sung in the darkness, through complete strangers, softly and tenderly and directly to our hearts. He is so ready to speak. Are we ready to listen?
In awe of Him,
Stephanie
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