Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Breathing Room - Ebenezer moments and a job I love

There’s this place in life that I love.  We only find it right after we’ve been running at break neck pace for a while, trying to meet a deadline.  It’s that moment of exhalation.  Breathing room.   I take the blinders off, stand in place, arms spread wide, and turn slowly, just absorbing it all, rather than being absorbed myself by the million things I had to get done before.  Things feel a little brighter here.  A little easier.  A little lighter.  Blessings appear clearer.  God’s grace is more vibrant.  It’s a good place.

Three months ago, I was struggling, really struggling with the unknowns in life.  I wanted so badly to know where I was going and when.  I had chosen to sign a lease with some friends and stay in Abilene at what I felt at the time was God’s prompting, but as time drifted by and doors remained closed… well, I became depressed and anxious.  I believed that God had a plan – and a big one – for this coming school year.  I guess maybe I believed because I had to, not because I was really trusting.  I’d made a choice and I felt stuck, so I had to believe God was up to something… I couldn’t possibly have been wrong!  (I say that tongue in cheek, but really, perfectionists of the world, I know you can relate!)  Now I’m in that breathing room moment and I can see all God really has done.  He really did have a plan. 

Monday night I conducted my first elementary music program.  One of the songs that I conducted was actually one that I learned fourteen years ago as an elementary student myself.  I didn’t even have music for it.  I just remembered it and taught it to my kids that way.  Then they took it to the stage and I conducted as they performed it.  A dream came true.  I don’t know why it blows my mind the way it does.  I mean, God is good and faithful and true.  He is love.  He is forever gracious unto me.  And yet I stand in awe of His blessings.  I can’t believe I get to do this!  I get to wake up every morning and walk with children as they learn and grow.  I saw the light in their eyes after they saw their hard work come to fruition in a great performance.  I got to provide them that opportunity, the chance to come together and create something more.  That’s big.  I’m watching these kids discover the feel of a steady beat.  I had forgotten how neat that really is… feeling the beat in a piece of music.  I’m watching them create, and learn, and make connections.  I see the excitement in their eyes when I tell them they can share their gifts with everyone in the class.  I'm seeing myself grow too!  I am the most richly blessed woman you will ever meet.  No, I don’t get paid nearly enough.  Yes, this is an exhausting job.  Do I care?  Absolutely not.  Call me corny, but nothing can replace the light in their eyes, the hugs, the smiles, the “aha” moments.  10,000 reasons for my heart to sing!  How many people have the daily reminder of joy, the sense of purpose in life that I have?  How many people get to get this excited about their everyday get-up-and-go lives?!

And don’t get me started on when the day ends and I get to go home to the amazing roommate family I have.  Precious, precious friends!  It is love, and I see it every day in the community surrounding me.  I lack nothing.  Sure, there are things I wish were different.  Some days I act like I lack things.  But the truth is that I lack NOTHING.  My God is so good.  He is so faithful.  It’s hard to trust a plan that’s beyond even my imagination, but it’s worth every tear.  It’s worth every dry and weary day of waiting.  So “here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I’ve come.”  On with the journey!

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