Given Over

I wrote this song something like a month ago. It provides a little background for my last post. How wonderful it is to serve a God who lifts us up when we come face to face with our own weakness! It is purely out of love that I make my greatest desire to lay my life, my dreams, and my will down on His altar in daily sacrifice. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing in God's sight. This is your spiritual act of worship." (Romans 12:1)

Given Over

Words and Music by Stephanie M. Frakes

To Pauline Bjorem for setting these two words resonating in my heart and teaching me, by example, how to live them.

I've fought this battle

A thousand times before

And still I always wonder

Just what I'm fighting for

It's just so foolish

To think it's up to me

To scale the heights of love

Or delve the depths of peace

And then I feel the earth against my knees

And it's clear that I am flesh

And I am weak

But that's when You lift me

To rise on eagles' wings

When I've nothing left to offer

But all You offer me

My life here on Your altar

A humble offering

It's all You've given me

Given over

Words are so easy

Falling from my lips

Until I start to wonder

How then shall I live?

The moment I realize

To live what I believe

Requires so much more

Than songs and poetry

And then I feel the earth against my knees

And it's clear that I am flesh

And I am weak

But that's when You lift me

To rise on eagles' wings

When I've nothing left to offer

But all You offer me

My life here on Your altar

A humble offering

It's all You've given me

Given over

To Your power, to Your love

Given over

To Your presence, it's enough

Given over

To Your glory, to Your will

Given over

Bearing the Cost Meets Acceptance with Joy

So here's the deal. I'm really struggling today. And I'll cut to the chase. I'm tired. I'm tired of the battle and the constant conflict. I'm tired of the brokenness. I'm tired of that aching longing that I feel for eternity, for that time when things will all be new and whole and we'll be really, truly free. I'm so ready for that day when the flesh won't have so much power over me. I want to be done with this whole refinement process. Yet I know that as long as there is breath to fill my lungs, there is more. There is more to this journey. There is more adventure to be had. I just wish it didn't involve quite so much pain or frustration or work or sorrow or suffering. And I know that this brokenness creates the very stones that build a deeper intimacy with my Beloved. I know that it is sorrow and suffering that drives me to His throne of Grace. I know that I only discover the fullness of His glory when I am facing the darkness. I know Hope only holds significance when it is juxtaposed with feelings of hopelessness. I know (in fact I preached a sermon on it in my last post...) that the brokenness of this world and the pain that we face is not without purpose. That purpose is our refinement. The entire point of life is for us to be transformed into Christ's likeness. The whole reason I'm on this journey is so that I can be transformed from glory to glory. Still, I'm not going to lie. I so wish there was an easier way! And I know I'm not alone in that cry, and I don't think we're wrong either. Didn't Christ Himself beg the Father to remove the cup from before Him? He cried for an easier way, but His cry for God's will to be done was so much louder and so much deeper. And I pray that is so in my own life.

I have this vision of the way I'd like to live, and I can sum it up in two words: GIVEN OVER. I want to lay my entire life down on the altar. And not just my life, but my will and my dreams and my deepest desires and my passions... everything. With that comes this idea of joyful abandon, of release, of surrender, of letting go, of strivings ceased, and of true freedom. I want to lay down this life that I'm holding so that I can just run after my Beloved. I don't care where we're going or what we're doing when we get there. I just want to run after Him. I just want to be where He is. I want to be available for Him to use me as His vessel, His instrument. And it sounds so appealing, this idea of being given over to God's power and love and will and Presence and glory, and singing at the top of my lungs, "You can have all the world. Give me Jesus!" Yes, it sounds wonderful. It sounds like an adventure. And nothing gives a poet more to write about or a singer more to sing about than a life of adventure. Hear me on this, I really believe that's the way we're supposed to live. Given over in joyful abandon to the Lover of our souls, the One who has hemmed us in behind and before. I'll confess though... it is SO much harder than I ever thought it would be. Words are one thing. Living them is something completely different.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. Who in her right mind would chase after a Spirit? Who would ever live life moment by moment, totally okay that she doesn't know the details of what's going to happen? Sometimes I feel alone, like there's no one who really understands the passion or the faith that's driving me. Sometimes I feel confined, whether by my own fear, or by the fear of the well-meaning people who love me. Sometimes it just plain hurts, which brings me to the idea of bearing the cost. I guess I hadn't realized this, but it costs something to live given over. It makes perfect sense. If I lay something at the altar, I lay it there because it is a sacrifice, and sacrifices are costly. I lay it there to be consumed by fire from Heaven, and fire burns. If I'm going to live life running after my Beloved, after Jesus, I'm going to have to bear the cost. He said it like this, "Take up your cross and follow me." I don't know why it's taken so long for me to understand that. Maybe it's because I thought taking up my cross meant intense persecution or seasons of pain and struggle. That's not the case though. When I made the decision to live given over, my life changed. The desires of my heart changed. God sowed a seed in my heart that pierced my flesh, and left me aching, longing for Him and for His perfect, eternal love. That too is a cross to bear. So I daily bear the cost of my choice to live given over, but it is so worth it! To see God move in my life. To watch Him orchestrate every last detail. To feel His comfort after the pain. To experience His faithfulness. These are the things, though so often surrounded by pain, make life worth living. This is abundant life. Just because it hurts doesn't mean He's not in control, and it most certainly does not mean He's forgotten us or doesn't love us. It doesn't even mean we're on the wrong path. It's just a hard journey. And yet our Shepherd is a good and faithful guide. We hear His voice, even when we can't see or feel Him. And that is where acceptance with joy comes in. We bear the cost of our sacrifice, and we accept that with joy, because we know that He who called us is faithful, and though we experience sorrow and suffering, it is never unto death. Jesus chose to bear the cost so we might have eternal life.

May He reassure your heart today, and renew your faith to continue bearing the cost and live given over, for that is where we find abundant life.

Given over,

Stephanie

At the Pool of Sent

The story of Jesus healing the blind man in John chapter 9 has some special significance to me. It is the story God used to confirm in my heart that He has called me to seminary. I am a firm believer that we are all called to live a lifestyle of ministry wherever we are at. Ministry is a natural overflow of the Holy Spirit living in us. That is why I cannot say with any complete certainty at this point that God has called me into vocational ministry. I can only say that His desire for my future is to go to seminary and immerse myself in the study of His word so that I might be fully equipped for whatever He leads me to. I was blind, but Christ made me see. I was bound in chains, but He set me free. I was mute, but He gave me a song to sing. And now we are on an incredible journey... a journey of sanctification and transformation from glory to glory. Falling at His feet in worship, dedicating my life to following and serving Him seems the only response.

Something that has particularly begun to strike me recently is this idea that my affliction, my moments of darkness, my days in the pit, these all become the conduit through which God's work flows into and through my life. These are all places where Christ meets me and touches me and heals me and teaches me and transforms me. And as painful as those times might be, I actually look back on them, not just with a sense of peace, but an honest joy! I can actually be thankful for the pits and the moments I fall, because they provide opportunity to build a deeper intimacy with my Savior and Redeemer. In the wilderness, I am refined so that I can reflect the full glory of God as I go about my daily life.

Here is where I stand: I believe sorrow and suffering in our lives is not accidental and that our afflictions are actually predestined. The pits and our pitfalls along the journey do not surprise God, but rather are a part of His plan to meet us and refine us. That is what the blind man washing in the pool of Saloam (which means Sent) means to me. It's not the pool of "sending" or "going to send" or "might send." It is the pool of SENT. It's predestined. Our pain, the cancer, the self injury, the divorce, the sexual abuse, the depression, the addiction, the insecurity, the intense season of doubt, the fear, the anxiety, the unplanned pregnancy... none of it is without purpose. Even before we knew Christ, we were chosen, Sent to one day go and proclaim His power and grace and goodness. We face affliction so that Christ can have the victory and set us free. Though we know not when, I believe it will happen, and we will rejoice over the pain we once faced. That, my dear friends, is HOPE.

Bound to be set free,

Stephanie

At the Pool of Sent

There was a time

When I was blind

And I never knew why.

Who sinned?

And what was the sin

That had denied me my vision?

And I was fine.

I learned to get by.

The darkness hid the tears I'd cry

On my knees as I wrestled

With that unvoiced question:

Why?

Then one Sabbath

I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin

And I heard them

A group of men

Asking my question.

"Who sinned

To cause this man's affliction?"

And I prepared for an answer

To reinforce the condemnation.

But instead

The Man said,

"No one."

And in response to our surprise,

He replied,

"This man lacks his sight

So that all might

See the glory of God's work in his life."

Then I felt His hands

Placing mud upon my eyes.

I'll never forget

When He said,

"Go now, and wash in the Pool of Sent."

Only later did I realize

What He really meant

To say.

That my affliction

Had been predestined.

I had been chosen

To meet the Son of God

And experience His touch

Right there in the pit.

Before I even knew Him

I was Sent

To proclaim His faithfulness,

His power, and His goodness.

This pain

Which no one could explain

Became

A conduit

Of God's grace

And glory.

It has shaped me,

The day I could finally see

The Man who stood before me,

And I believed.

Now I live

To worship at His feet.

That all might see

God's work displayed in me.

The fight was for His victory.

I was bound so He could set me free.

My suffering,

The stage for Glory.

Stephanie M. Frakes

(October 8, 2010)

Of Pits and Power

I've been thinking a lot about standing in strength and power recently. Last Tuesday I found myself in a practice room on my knees and in tears, wrestling with God. What it comes down to is that He was calling me to stand. And I wanted nothing to do with it. But our God is relentless.

Here's the best way I can describe it. There's a story in II Samuel where a man chases a lion into a pit on a snowy day and kills it. It's really very exciting stuff. Now, another pit story. In Judges, Gideon is hiding in a pit from his enemies. It is at this of all moments that God calls Him "mighty warrior" and tells him to rise and that he will rescue Israel. Of course Gideon thinks it's all crazy. Given the choice between the two stories, I would definitely have to say I prefer Gideon's. I would much rather hide in a pit than fight a lion in one. And yet, I know that hiding will not fulfill my soul. Hence, the tears and the wrestling match with God.

Let's be honest for a second. We've all been there, haven't we? We've all faced God's calling and wanted to run the other way. We've all looked at the women God wants us to be - standing strong, clothed in dignity, heads held high - and we've all at some point or another wanted nothing more than to hide. I discovered as I cowered in my pit that I was afraid of my potential. I could hear God calling me mighty, and I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I couldn't for the life of me see what He saw. And quite frankly, I was a little resentful that God would call me to such an impossible task. I didn't ask for the chance to go fight lions! I wanted to stay hidden in the pit like Gideon! And then God stopped me and gently reminded me that Gideon did eventually rise. He stood up and God fulfilled His plan, leading Gideon to victory. God made Gideon a mighty warrior once Gideon was willing to stand in faith and stop cowering and hiding... after Gideon was willing to be vulnerable. God was calling me to do the same thing. He calls all of us to do the same thing. And the truth is, as much as we may want to fight it, in our hearts we know that our desire is not to cower, but to stand in strength and dignity. So right there in a practice room, on my knees I found myself submitting to God, handing my heart and will over to Him, and begging Him for the courage to stand in the strength He desires for me.

It's kind of ironic, isn't it? Here I am bowing before God, surrendering to His desire to fill me with His power so that I could stand strong. I was surrendering to His empowerment. Yesterday (because the sermon at church was about POWER of all things!) I learned a lot more about this idea of surrender to empowerment. We were in Ephesians 3 where Paul talks about being rooted and established in love and having power to grasp the depths of God's love for us and being filled with the fullness of God. So here's the deal. If Christ lives in me, and if His glory is going to be reflected in me, I'm going to stand strong. I'm going to stand in power, because the all-surpassing power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me. If I refuse to do that, if I choose to cower in the pit, I'm living in rebellion. If I refuse to stand, I refuse to allow God's power to be reflected me. If I say "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" but then refuse to live in that strength, I do nothing to prove that true. I do not glorify Him, and I do not enjoy Him. Hear me on this. I firmly believe that God's desire is for us to live EMPOWERED to use and develop the gifts that He's given us TO THE FULLEST. We are NOT weak! We do NOT need to hide! We can stand strong and firm, rooted and established in His Love. We bow so that God can fill us, and than we stand strong that He might glorify Himself in us.

One last thought and I am done preaching. Life drives us into the pit. It happens. But our Beloved is faithful. He meets us right there in the pit, and He calls us mighty warrior. When we choose to stand and walk, even though our circumstances aren't changing, even though we feel weak and like all we want to do is hide, He fulfills His plans for us. He makes us mighty warriors. That is what faith is. God doesn't call us to things we can imagine. He calls us to adventures beyond our wildest dreams (check out Ephesians 3:20-21)! So let's all stand in Him. Let's spit in the face of fear and defy our human nature that causes us to desire safety over the fullness of God. Let's believe God. May we all walk clothed in strength and dignity. All God's promises are "yes" in Jesus. May our lives resonate with a bold and confident "amen!"

Surrendered to empowerment,

Stephanie

Forever Reign

I heard this song for the first time in church today. Truly it was one of those moments where my heart stopped. My journey for the last week and a half or so has been a lot of God teaching me that He is enough. Nothing in this world fulfills completely. Nothing. Not divine revelation, not scriptural truth, not blessed relationships, not a life of ministry. All of these things are wonderful and they are of God to be sure, but in and of themselves, they will never be enough to fully satisfy my soul. Only the presence of God can do that. Only spending time marveling at who He is and what He's done, listening to Him call me His beloved. Only He is enough. The Person of God. This is the importance of solitude. This is the only place where my spirit finds rest... wrapped in the arms of my Beloved. More on that later, but for now, enjoy these lyrics. If you're brave, check out the video. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

In His arms,
Stephanie

Forever Reign - from the album "A Beautiful Exchange" by Hillsong

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Once Again

I'm making a new effort to start keeping up with this blog again (third time's the charm, right?). God's taking me on too much of a journey not to share it. The plan is you'll find a mixture of poetry, devotionals, and just thoughts stemming from the adventure I have embarked on with the Lover of my Soul. May you taste and see His goodness as you read the words He is writing on my heart.

And let's not make this one way. The greatest thing that could come of this is for God to begin showing you the adventure He's taking you on. Leave comments. Share your story. Start your own blog. I'm learning that there is something really powerful that happens as we share our stories. "We shall overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies."

With His song in my heart,

Stephanie

Sweet Release

When I look in Your eyes

I’m overwhelmed by emotions

Words fail to describe

My heart stirs inside

My chest

It’s as if my heart was ice

And at Your touch

It melted

And became this flood of praise

Surging through my veins

Falling from my lips

Like rain

And then the tears came

To prove I’ve been healed

And some might say

I should refrain

And perhaps maintain

My dignity

But I ask them

What dignity?

For I knew not the meaning of the word

Until I heard

Your voice singing over me

As I sat at Your feet

And felt the sweet release

Of freedom

So I’ll break the neck of my alabaster jar

Because You broke the chains that held my heart

I owe You everything

So I’ll give You everything

That means anything

To me

I’ll let the fragrance of my offering

Rise

Because I love You

Rabbi

And Lover of my soul

Stephanie M. Frakes

(August 24, 2010)

Everyday a New Song

So I was enjoying some much needed quiet time with my Father the other night when I found myself praying an interesting prayer. I longed for God to reveal to me the newness of each day. You see, I often find myself falling into such a routine that I start to live without thinking, and I hate that! I don't like feeling like I'm just caught up in some whirlwind. I don't like living on autopilot.

I guess it's like this. One of the things that I love most about music is a reflection of one of the things I love most about God. Music is never the same twice. Once a note rings out, it's gone. You'll never hear it again. And while that might sound dismal, that's really the beauty of it. Music is constantly new! I mean, sure you practice enough and consistency is sure to follow (at least that's the goal, generally speaking). This consistency can actually border on tiring and monotonous, perhaps playing on autopilot? But if you listen closely, it's actually always new. There are intricate little details, nuances that are slightly different each time. Truly, it's beautiful if you're willing to listen.

And so it is with God. His character never changes, but no experience with Him is the same twice. It may seem routine, but if you're opened to it, and if you really look for it, God is singing new songs everyday. That's why it says in Lamentations that God's mercies are new every morning. And so my prayer is that I would learn to see that. That I would live my life sensitive to His Spirit. That I would stop trudging along, eyes to the ground and take in even the subtle newness of each day. Because life lived in step with the Spirit may be routine, but it is anything but monotonous. Even being caught up in a whirlwind brings it's own kind of adventure.

Here's to new songs!