I almost forgot to write today. I figured it would happen eventually. Today has been full and fast. There have been deep conversations and Ferris wheels and team grocery shopping excursions and great meals shared with friends. It has been good.
As I get ready to call it a day, I am thinking about a sermon I'm halfway through listening to on generosity. Most of it was what I expected to here: nothing we have is ours. All is grace. Therefore we should hold things loosely and give freely. I agree wholeheartedly. But when they started talking about being generous with all the resources and gifts we have been given, I started to squirm a little bit.
Because to be generous in all things means not just money or stuff. It's more than giving to my World Vision or Compassion children. Being generous also involves my time and my energy. And for an introvert, that is hard. Because I have grown very protective of my space and my emotional and social energy. Being around people costs me and a lot of times it is a price I don't want to pay. But I am called to be generous, so I am called to open myself up to those around me, to let them in and to be present.
So this is just something that I'm pondering right now. Living openhanded not just with my stuff but with my time and my energy as well. Being a joyful giver, not a reluctant one. Learning how to give when it actually costs me something, not just out of surplus. How generosity and grace tie in together, and how I can be a more gracious person, freely giving out love and forgiveness and compassion and understanding and expecting nothing in return. It's a lot to think about, but when I live it, like I did today, I never regret it. I never regret living openhanded. It's the clenched fists that ruin me. The clenched fists always ruin me.