There are lyrics from a song by The Gray Havens that are resonating in my heart tonight. "Hold on. Hold on, my heart. You once were full and sang of Grace. Hold on. Hold on, my heart. You've tasted Joy that's more than this."
I don't really know what to say about those lyrics except that they seem to express some deep stirring in my soul. She asks me over coffee, the first time we've seen each other in months, if my cup is sealed on the bottom. She tells me that if it's not, I will never overflow. I will always feel like I'm running dry. But the quiet times and the scripture reading feels so empty and powerless. I can't seem to find the words to string into prayers. So maybe this is a season of holding on and remembering the songs I sang of Grace, remembering the Joy I have tasted and keep going back to Him even when it feels empty and He is silent. Because I can't sustain this life on my own. And nothing that He offers me, longs to give me, has changed. The place as His beloved daughter. The abundant life. The intimacy with Him. It is all still there. And if I will hold on, even when it feels awkward and forced and empty, I will be filled and sing and taste joy and grace once again. Because the purpose of my life is to enjoy God and dive deeper into His love for me and for His people. So hold on, my heart.