I started the list years ago. This list of gifts, of little things I saw that I could count as grace and for which I could give thanks. I believed deeply in the power of the list, in the power of thanksgiving. I believed that giving thanks was the highest form of praise, the truest form of worship. I believed that looking for ways to be thankful brought joy into my life and opened my eyes.
Wind in the trees
Hot chocolate and blankets in October
The first sip of coffee in the morning
Cold water on my face in the morning
Hot water for the shower at night
Sore muscles after a run
A tiny hand in mine
Hibiscus flowers opening to the sun
Late night phone calls
Newly tuned pianos
But lately, making the list has become tedious, forced, dry... Dare I say, useless? It became just another thing to check off, nothing more than scratching words on a page. So I've stopped for a little while. I've stopped making the list until I can remember why I started in the first place. These are not just observations or notes about the world around me. These are evidences of the love of the Father. Each time I write something down, I whisper my thanks, and I feel the depth of His love. Each time I put pen to page, I make it a point to enjoy His presence. If that is not why I'm doing it, then there is no reason to keep the list. Eucharisteo does nothing if it does not open my heart up to the Father. But if giving thanks in the face of brokenness opens my eyes to see in a very real and practical way that God is present in each moment, that He loves in each moment, and that I can taste His goodness in each moment... Then Eucharisteo precedes miracles. Because when I know that He is deeply good and I am deeply loved, there is a power unleashed of which I can only dream. Everything I believed about the list is still true, but it's not about the list. It's about where the list takes me... To a place where I can enjoy God.