Saturday, October 18, 2014

31 Days of Trusting Grace - Day 18 - The Only Thing that Matters

I'm standing outside, still in that dress.  I feel like I've been wearing dresses like this for most of my life.  Floor length black (well, at one point it was GREEN but we don't talk about that) with pearls.  All through middle school into college.  And I thought that when I graduated I would be done singing in choirs, done with the uniforms and the binders and the stages.  Apparently not.  I'm still singing, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Things are different now though.  I still sing and I still perform but now... now I get to conduct.  And I've found that there is nothing better than becoming a conductor.  Because, when I conduct and turn my back to the audience, it's like, just for a moment nothing is about me.  It's all about those children in front of me and drawing the Beauty out of them.  It's about setting them free to create something beautiful.  It's about setting them up for success and releasing them into the joy of the art.  It's about something that I can't take credit for.  It's humbling, and it's such an honor.  It makes me feel so small in the best way.  Like there is so much that is beyond me, beyond words, beyond here and now.  Like I'm just a tiny part of something much, much bigger, but it is pure grace just to be a part of it at all.  

I've been a performer my whole life, but nothing stirs my heart like this.  I love how Ann says it, "The only way to lead a symphony is to turn your back to the crowd, the critics, the court."  Yeah, maybe that's why I love it so much.  Because there are so many stages in life, but the Beauty being created is the only thing that matters.  

I can't believe I get to do this - live my life drawing Beauty out of little souls.  Such grace.

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