Saturday, October 4, 2014

31 Days of Trusting Grace - Day 4 - Run Back Faster

Scrolling mindlessly through Facebook and these words written by this guy from the group Out of the Dust, catch my eye and resonate deep:
"Thankfully His grace is sufficient and His heart is kind. Mistakes are inevitable... But my only goal is to run back to Him more quickly than I did the last time."  

I love that so much.

Because I remember a talk, a long time ago, with a mentor of mine.  I was in the middle of one of my greatest battles with perfectionism.  We are talking ENTANGLED in lies.  So much so that when she asked me to say the words, "I can never be perfect," they froze on my lips.  I could not get those words out.  Trapped.  And it was this verse that broke through for me.  That place in Matthew 9 where Jesus says, "Those who are well have no need of a physician..."  

I heard Him whisper in that moment, "Do you want to walk with me?  Do you want me to be near to you?  Then stop pretending your are well.  If you are well, you don't need me."  Even as I type this I'm getting all teary eyed because I am imagining Jesus passing me by, not because I am not enough for Him.  Not because He doesn't care for me, but because I am working so hard to be perfect that there is no room for Him to move in me.  And I want nothing more than for there to be space in my life for God's work to be displayed in me, space in my life for me to experience His presence.  

So those words?  About mistakes being inevitable?  They would have set me fighting at one time.  Mistakes can be avoided if I just try hard enough.  If I were only good enough, then I could stop messing up and everything would be okay.  Lies.  I can't save myself.  And I prove that every day.

But the beauty of it is that with every time I prove my broken humanity?  God proves His overwhelming grace.  So I walk with Him.  I turn my eyes to Him and to His word.  I  beg the Holy Spirit to fill and overflow and overwhelm my flesh.  We wage war against sin and satan.  And I make mistakes.  But I am thankful for grace, and I make it may prayer that I would always run back to His arms a little faster than I did last time.  

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