Tuesday, October 7, 2014
31 Days of Trusting Grace - Day 7 - You're not Alone
So this is where the rubber meets the road, folks. I really don't feel like writing today. In fact, it's the last thing that I want to do. I am tired. It's been a crazy long day, and I'm writing from a break... not even the end of it! Okay. Exhale. So I guess, here's the story. I am going to write down the words I would like to hear, in hopes that they will sink in and maybe encourage someone else.
Hey you! Yes, you. The one who wants to break down and cry this very instant. The one who has dreams of the person she would like to be and feels like she's the complete opposite. The one who is striving to do it all right and keep all those plates spinning and keep balanced and centered and still get it all done. The one who is doing it all and still feels like breaking down. You're not alone. You are not the only one who feels like this day will never end. You are not the only one who is grieving the fact that there are no do-overs.
You are not the only one who will fall into bed at the end of today (probably way too late) feeling like you've failed.
You are not alone.
You are not the only one who is frustrated beyond words by her own limitations, the limitations of the flesh. You are not the only one battling shame, insecurity, fear, and a sense of insufficiency. You are not the only one who would really like to just give up the fight.
You are not alone.
And this is usually the part where I throw in a giant BUT GOD and talk about identity and grace and counting gifts and how we are loved. And I mean, that wouldn't be untrue, and I probably should go running to that. But somehow I feel like I would be skipping something if I didn't just sit here and kind of let it sink in. Just as important as soaking in how God loves, I think it's important to allow myself to sink into my own sense of weakness and failure and struggle. Now I'm not saying live in self-pity. Totally different. And I'm not saying spend as much time meditating on my failure as I do on God's love. I am called to abide in God's love fully and constantly. But sometimes I struggle and I have found that ignoring my frustration and pain mostly just causes me trouble.
So I guess my question is this: Can I stop and acknowledge that I'm having a bad day (or week or season) and I'm feeling my weakness and insufficiency and I am not happy about it, but this is not the end? And then can we come up beside each other and say: "Yes, we all have bad days and it stinks, but you're not alone."
Because until I acknowledge the ugly things, I can't lay them down at the Redeemer's throne of grace. And until I can lay them down, I will crumple under the weight of it. So yeah, life is hard some days and we all struggle, but you don't have to carry the weight of your weakness alone.